Emotionally dead, or maybe it’s just the inability to let people close enough.

Is it possible to only experience the positive scale of our feelings or do we have to let people close enough, allowing them to access our vulnerable spots, there as also opening up making it possible for people to hurt you. I’ve been hurt in the past, really hurt, resulting in my “inability” to let people close; it takes time to get to know me. Or maybe not, but it takes time for me to trust someone to the extent that I let them effect my feelings. Problem is this resulting in the inability to feel stuff. Now I’ve moved to a new place, new country, new continent, meeting new people and slowly getting to know them. However after 7 months I realize that on a daily basis I don’t feel anything… scary. I go through my day, trying to sort other people’s issues out, not attending my own. Escaping into the world of movies, feeling other people’s emotions, creating a fake scenario giving me a sense that I still can feel something.

So true...

Dear God,
So far today, I've done all right.
I haven't gossiped. I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been greedy, grumpy
nasty, selfish, or overindulgent.

I'm very thankful for that.
But in a few minutes, God,
I'm going to get out of bed;
and from then on, I'm probably
going to need a lot more help!
Amen.

Perspective's during midnight

Midnight is awsome. Everything & everyone is asleep in the house.
Yesterday was a hard day & in the evening it all seamed too much. Now
it seams ok, managable, I'm going back to sleep.

Testing my phone!

If this works this is my first post from my cellphone, meaning I can
blogg anytime & anywhere :)

Ciao

The Creed, by Steve Turner

Is this the reality we live in?

We believe in Max, Freud and Darwin,
We believe everything is ok as long as you don’t hurt anyone, to the best of your definition of hurt, and to the best of your knowledge.
We believe in sex before, during and after marriage,
We believe in the therapy of sin, we believe that adultery is fun
We believe that Sodom is ok, and that taboo’s are taboo.
We believe that everything is getting better, despite evidence to the contrary. The evidence must be investigated and you can prove anything with evidence.
We believe there is something in horoscopes, UFO’s and bent spoons.
Jesus was a good man, just like Buddha, Mohammed and ourselves. He was a good moral teacher although we think his good morals were bad.
We believe that all religions are basically the same, at least the last one we read about was. They all believe in love and goodness, they only differ on matters of creation, sin, heaven, hell, God and salvation.
We believe that after death comes the nothing, because when you ask the dead what happened they say nothing. If death is not the end, if the dead have lied then it is compulsory heaven for all, except perhaps, Hitler, Stalin and Gingis Khan.
We believe in masters and Johnson, what’s selected is average and what’s average is normal, what’s normal is good.
We believe in total disarmament, we believe that there is direct links between warfare and bloodshed. Americans should beat their guns into tractors and the Russians would be sure to follow. We believe that man is essentially good; it is only his behaviour that lets him down. This is the fault of society, society is the fault of conditions, and conditions are the fault of society. We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him, reality will adapt accordingly. The universe will readjust, history will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth, except the truth that there is no absolute truth. We believe in the rejection of creeds, and the flowering of individual thoughts. Welcome to the year 2002.

The Word!

Powerful,

strong,

life-changing,

memorable

& even eternal...

...

How do you master the power that exists in the word?

If in a room with people you are "given the word",

is it not amazing how legitimate it is for everyone,

to listen to what you have to say.

...

You're left with the ability to build a person,

through oral affirmation,

or tear them down with merely a few words.


...

Power, how do you handle it?

Life?

I love to fool around and play the clown, combined with being serious and goal orientated. I’ve never been able to place myself into one of life’s predetermined squares of character or personality. I’ve always experienced a mixture of everything, growing up in another country, moving a lot, changing schools, different cultures, different skin colors, all this in a mixture, forming me to be the person I am today.

Sometimes it feels like I will never fit in anywhere and sometimes it feels like I can fit in anywhere.
Sometimes it feels like I am part of nothing and other times like I’m part of everything.

After 7 months in a new place I find that only one side of my person has been showing. People here have only seen my serious side, the side that always copes, that always knows what to do and that always has it together. How do you tell people that the image they carry is false… or at lease half false? How do you inform them that I am so much more, that what they’ve seen is only a shell of properness?

More importantly, how do I find a place where my inner child can come out? Where I can relax completely and not worry about life? A place where I can cry without feeling shame, or role round the floor laughing without embarrassment, or just sit quite without explanation? How?

Change

Apparently a senior IBM executive said (in the middle of making the elephant dance) “reengineering is like starting a fire on your head and putting it out with a hammer”.