Its time to rock!!!

Tonight in Vimmerby... we shall be hard... we shall be best... we shall simply rock!!!

Christmas Eve - Day of Christmas Celebrations in Sweden

A year ago a friend and I curled up in our chairs by the fire next to the Limpopo river in Botswana... Today for the first time in 3 years I have spent Christmas with my family. Well almost all of them, it was my parents, my brother and I. Although it's not a white Christmas yet, its a Christmas at home with loved ones!

Some small portions of the thoughts that have passed through my head today:

"Wow, I am actually walking in the forrest with BOTH my parents... - it's def a first - go dad!"

"Thin or thick slices of ham? Thin are supposed to be more correct but thick slices taste sooo much better :)" - We had thick slices! hehe...

"Donald Duck, maybe go without him today? No way... wouldn't be Christmas without dear Donald at 3pm!"

"Why oh why did we agree on no candy this year... the shops are so far away and closed by the way... well, lets have another orange ;)"

"I love my family"

"Suprised the whole day has passed and no quarrels..."

"I think I love giving presents more than getting... its so much fun seeing their faces as the gifts unfold and the thought behind it turns out to be right!"

"Hm... did I really agree on going to early morning mass tomorrow!?"

Love so many of you that read this site and I am sorry for the break in writing, I hope to improve!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Status Quiz

A night of rock with a tribute band to status quo... this is my hope of regaining some energy from a week full of work... However the good news is I've survived my first full time week for over 8 months... and I'm still alive... ridiculously tired but alive.



Enjoy the weekend!

just don't want to

i feel three years old... want to lie on the ground and hammer the floor and yell...

Espresso house and developers

A ham sandwich, a large orange juice and all of a sudden it’s ok that a new day is dawning. Literally dawning, it’s a twilight zone outside and I’m at the office, eaten my bread and had my juice, now feeling the energy reach my brain and production is slowly starting.

Usually when getting to the office early there is one section of people that fill up later than the others and it’s the developers. Today however when getting here 7.45 the office was filled with developers… hehe… its patch-day!

Forgive and forget?

Valid thoughts by Ghandi:

To forgive is not to forget. The merit lies in loving in spite of the vivid knowledge that the one that must be loved is not a friend. There is no merit in loving an enemy when you forget him for a friend.

Its time for thanksgiving!

.

So many people in our world are opressed and suffering for different reasons:

According to UNICEF 2 million children are victims to child prostitution each day! 27 million people work under slavelike conditions. Power is abused on a daily basis and its worst than most of us can imagine!

This weekend it is time for thanksgiving, a celebration meant to focus us on being thankful for what we have.

Often we get stuck in focusing on what we don't have, what we think is unfair, or on how we are misstreated! But in honesty, if we lift our eyes just a little and look at our situation in comparison to the world as a whole, I think most of us would come to realise that we have nothing to complain about.

We want that specific shirt - think of the people who would be happy with simply a shirt!

We want to be able to go out for dinner - think of the people who just want something to eat!

We want a better place to live - think of those who have nowhere to stay!

I could keep going on and on, but I think the point is made.

So in this time of turkey, family and love, lets try to remember to be thankful!

Winnie the Puh

Sometimes this little bear just sums it up in such a beautiful way:

"I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.
"No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way."

Winnie the Pooh

A close-up...

I'm at my parents house, have spent the day visiting my father at the hospital. It was good to see him although it is wierd when the people you have grown accustomed to being strong around you all of a sudden are weak and unable to manage.

The thought of loosing him scares me, I know its not something that will happen now, he's threw the surgery and recovering well, but the thought of loosing him still scares me. The thought of loosing my mother scares me as well... How are you supposed to manage without them? Doesn't their job include taking care of me? Ok, so I'm grown up and I mostly take care of myself, but its like having a security net in life, having them there... always available! I've grown used to always being able to come running home when I can't take it any more... what happens the day that they're no longer here to run to? Who am I supposed to run to then? Who will dry my tears? Hold me for no other reason than I need a hug? Or who will just be there, when I need nothing else but silent acceptance?

Scary thought, so far they are here and they will be for a yet a few more years... I'll cherrish each moment and love them to bits :)

A midweek night

I'm in the couch, in my pyjamas, waiting for the weekly episode of greys anatomy, in good company... can an evening become better?

Probably, but for this evening its perfect for me. I've had three hectic days in Malmö, good but intensive.

My emotions are a little all over the place at the moment, my father went through heart surgery last week and his recovery is at the top of my heart and mind :)

Reflection

”Friendship is not a detour to a relationship, it is a goal in itself!”

Work, Gym and Concert

I’m sorry for the silence during this week, it has been unintentional but time has just flown by and I really haven’t found the opportunity to sit down and write a blog entry.

This week I have started back at the gym, feeling great about moving the old body again. Loving the endorphins that are released while exercising, realising that I think I became addicted to training in Cape Town and now already feel much better just being back in the weight room!

Work this week has been hectic but fun, its my first week back on 75%, so far feeling great. However I must say that I don’t exactly have extra energy in the evenings. Once I get from the laptop my aim for the rest of the day is to train and then sleep before getting up and about the next day.

Tonight is going to be sooo cool, Delirious is coming to Huskvarna for a Concert! I am meeting some friends for the eve and looking forward to some amazing music!

Love to you all!

A wonderful calm weekend

All plans of parties where ditched when my niece came to visit for the weekend :)

Friday I took her for some food and then tought her the importance of dancing like no one is watching ;) then took an early night.

Yesterday we had a sleep in, then joined a mate for a morning walk in the cold sunshine, had stunning weather, but the temp was around 0. After our 5km walk we hung in the couch for a short movie, before running of to the gym and then went to the spa department for some relaxation after training. In the evening we were in Huskvarna for a releaseparty.

This morning I am washing a little, but mainly enjoying the sleep in. Nathalie is going home today and I am spending the afternoon at the gym before coming home tonight and preparing for the coming week. Tomorrow I go to Malmö :)

Blessings to all! And loads of luv from a rested Emma

Quantum of Solace

Tonight its time for bond premier in Sweden :) Me and a friend are going to see the film at 00.07

Looking forward to a good movie...

Bored and pondereing

Am in the flat, its late at night, I should be sleeping, however not tired and yet very tired!

Thought I would share a photo with you all from yesterday brunch at O'learys with some good friends. Their kid is amazingly cute :D

With fondness remembering a few wonderful hours with friends, and a few minutes of luxury time with the georgeous baby girl!

LOVE

Malmö

Its rainy and grey, the workday is over and I am pondering what to do... Home with a pizza, then watch a movie and after that dose of to an early night is what I think will be most appropriate :)

I've had a good weekend, hectic, with friends, party and the flue...

Now the week has started on a good note and the future looks bright, at least this week looks entertaining :P

Cold, colder, coldest...

One negative side of being in this blessed country is that it is getting colder by the day. And my toes remind me of the fact that I have frozen them before. As soon as they get a little cooler the blood drains from my toes and the sensation of feeling dissapears... Somehow its probably bad. Anyone got any ideas of action?

Midweek with pondering

The last few months I have made choices that have partly compromised my inner values, decisions that have challenged my standpoint in many matters.

It is insightful to realize that the original inner values I held are still the ones I cherish and wish to hold on to even in the future.

The stupidity of a feable mind

I am tired yet I sit awake watching dvd's...
I am cold yet I am eating icecream...

Monday night

In the company flat, recuperating after the day and charging my batteries getting ready for tomorrow! Had a look in the fridge and found the amazing content of one piece of cheese, one beer and some caviar... haha... hm... should probably go shopping for some breakfast, however not sure I can be bothered. Much more appealing to take a bath, snuggle up with a dvd and get an early night, in the blessed company of myself :)

Messed up, but willing to change

Hey all you amazing people :)

Here is one messed up chick... at least I sometimes wonder over my own status quo...

I am currently packing my stuff, working a little, watching greys anatomy season 4 on dvd and cleaning a flat... tomorrow I move... not very far in distance, but possibly another small step in getting my life in order and everything in shape.

I fall victim to the fact that I am scared of letting people and places close, now I've decided that I have to take the chance at least! Maybe this is all fu**ed up that I'm moving here, maybe it makes no sense, maybe there are better options, maybe is a very comprehensive word opening up so many other alternatives. However, when it boils down to it, I like this town, I like the people, I have fun, I have small everyday adventures! But most of all its a place I chose, for the first time ever this is a place I have chosen to move to... Don't get me wrong, I've obviously chosen to move to other places as well, seeing as I've been there... but this time, there is no job, no one special, no organization, nothing other than me wanting to be here... Through the last 10 years every time I've moved its been because an opportunity has presented itself, always leaving people I love behind... Now theres no opportunity, just a longing to be present somewhere.

So, maybe its a mess, maybe its a bad option, but it's my mess and my option... Hoping and praying that it will sort it self out and turn to be a good one!

New day with exciting opportunities

I made it through the night, probably not the best sleep ever, but ok!

Today I'm working and looking forward to exciting new insights :P

Love

Gallbladder Attack

Pain, pain and then some more pain...

Just got back from a really good night with some friends, my mistake was that we had pizza and then some crisps while watching a movie. The reason this was a mistake is that I had my gallbladder removed in May this year, so my body doesn't tolerate fatty food very well...

Am in the flat and in pain and vomiting... all of which seem to match the gallbladder attack, so I decided to google what is common for an attack? This is what I found:

• Moderate to severe pain under the right side of the rib cage - CHECK - 7 out of 10
• Pain may radiate through to the back or to the right shoulder - CHECK - 6 out of 10 when sitting and 9 out of 10 when lying down.
• Severe upper abdominal pain (biliary colic) - CHECK - 7 out of 10
• Nausea - CHECK
• Queasiness - CHECK
• Vomiting - CHECK
• Gas - CHECK
• Burping or belching - CHECK
• Attacks are often at night - CHECK
• Attacks often occur after overeating - CHECK - girls night... hm
• Pain will often but not always follow a meal with fats or grease - CHECK - Pizza and crisps, doesn't get healthier!
• Pain may be worse with deep inhalation - CHECK - short breaths...
• Attacks can last from 15 minutes to 15 hours

Dear God, am hoping this won't last for more than a couple of hours, the previous ones I've had have lasted 2-4 hours, have been through it 2 times before... but both times with company, tonight I am alone :( really wish I had someone here to hold my hand in the pain... Crap...

Will try and stay awake or at least upright for a few more hours since that seems to be easing the pain a little... Any good ideas on what to do in order to stay awake?

Commuting in swedish autumn

Every year in Sweden autumn comes and results in the trees changing colour and then shedding their leaves... So one would think that in a company founded 1856 they would by now have learnt the fact that the leaves will indeed each year hit the tracks. The case is however that each year this phenomenon manages to catch the train company (SJ) by surprise and there are delays in their timetables due to leaves on the rails... idiotic!!!

Apart from this small point of frustration I have had a good start to the week. The first two days have been productive and life in general is pleasant :D Blessings!

Frustration...

I left my cellphone charger at home... not intentionally... but still... my phone being the age it is survived one day and now its dead... and I will get to a charger tonight... frustration...

Preparations

Tonight the flat is full of paper spread out trying to read up on stuff, getting ready for the working game tomorrow. Packing my bags so that I am ready when the alarm goes of tomorrow to jump out of bed and get going!

Life is an interesting adventure, wouldn't you agree? It's amazing in the sense that every day brings along stuff you truly cherish. At the same time it is so easy to go into a mode of just getting through the days and not observing the extraordinary things in the small ordinary occurrences.

Such as:

• A child's gurgling laughter on the train, when commuting.
• Smiling at a stranger and getting a smile back.
• Sunshine when its not expected.
• An unexpected phone call from an old friend.
• A hug on a rainy day
• Enjoying the autumn leaves and the splendour of nature when on a walk.
• A deep conversation with someone you trust
• A dog in your lap

All of the above are everyday moments, that so easily pass us by without notice! But if we stop, enjoy them just a little, it will bring some extra smiles this week I am sure ;)

Blessings

Common sense... or not!

Sometimes stuff makes sense and suck at the same time...

My concious agrees and my heart disagrees, kinda sucks in total and feels like the right thing as well... hm... what to do... Not that I have much choice in the matter... One of those things where I have to respect the other person... as said... it sucks!

Time to shake the ass

Sometimes life offers opportunities to escape reality a little bit or maybe a better terminology is opportunity to shed some energy :P

Tonight is a night like that... I am meeting up with a good friend and we are hitting the dancefloors of the town to shake some ass... I pitty the man that tries to pull us tonight... ;) Just because I am on the dancefloor does not invite to touch, such moves result in a black eye for the bloke :P

Just wish to remind you all to enjoy the extra small moments of life! They are all over the place each day, the challenge is to find them and enjoy them a little extra, remembering that they will never come around again!

Just thoughts

I'm on my back in the sofa with a laptop in my lap :) My two cousins have gone for a walk attempting to get the one kid to sleep, while possibly picking up the other from daycare on their way back. Different lives from mine altogether :P

However days like these are rare and special, time to just chill, to be with people I love and who love me. Not for something I deliver or produce, but simply because I am me... It's a good feeling!

My mind starts wandering of into places I'm not sure is healthy; will I ever be in a house, with a husband and kids? not sure... do I want to be..? I think I do... The thought of sharing my life with someone is appealing. It brings a longing that I wasn't sure I previously possessed. Question is where it leaves me? As far as I'm concerned you don't just walk on to the street and shop for a man to parttake in your life?

Ok - so my life is kinda a mess... haha... I'll be the first to admit to that... I have somewhere to stay for another week... then, who knows. I am in a city I want to be in, just need to figure out how that is going to happen. I have a job 3 hours away, will be commuting a few days per week. My friends are scattered all over the place, thanks to the fact that I have been scattered all over the place! Now that I just want to settle down, be somewhere, impact lives a little more than the honeymoon period of a relationship I find myself on the verge of being lost. Even hesitating on the simple question if I have it in me? Whether I do or don't it isn't exactly lined up to meet a man, maybe I've stumbled onto him already, but I'm not sure he thinks so... Till later skater!

Now it is time to prepair for the return of the children :) I shall be the fun aunty who plays and makes them laugh :P Then convince myself that I'm not missing out cause I don't have my own...

Back to reality?

Sometimes you wake up and realize that life is no more or less than just life! Know the feeling?

Every day is full of emotions, questions, decisions and moments... All of which you either cherish or just let go.

The last 10 days have contained a little bit of everything! Haha - ok, that wasn't exactly specific, but I've had moments where I've laughed till I cried. I've been out in the forest on horseback and yelled my lungs out. I've been warm and cuddly, also cold and freezing! I've been exited and extatic but also sad and a little down.

On the whole I would say that I have had a good 10 days :) Sorry for keeping quite on the blog, will be better and let you know whats happening :)

Blessings

Biltong

2 Days left until I get my biltong :)

Dad has been in Africa for 6 weeks, obviously the most precious is that he has come home and we get to meet him again, then on a close second spot is the fact that he has brought us biltong!!! Gonna be lovely to put my teeth into it :D

On general I must say that life is treating me well. Had a talk with my neurosurgeon and he is calm again, so am I so all is well and my health is constantly improving! What is there to complain about?

Tomorrow I'm heading a little south to meet my sister and her family, then wednesday is meeting the folks, my gramps and then back to town again. Thursday Ramona is coming for the weekend! This week looks like it is set up to be another awesome time in my life!

Love to you all!

Trust and truth

Sometimes life is just about trusting... You trust that you'll make it, that the jump will go ok, that the landing will be safe and that you can continue...

Every day we make choices about trusting people, sometimes its rewarded other times it ends up in hurt and pain. One thing is certain, we can only keep mounting again and again after we fall... if we don't let people in it will almost always end in pain or even worst... lonelyness!

Trust someone today!!!

Red wine night?

Maybe tonight will be a night to finnish saras bottle of red?! Only the future can tell.

The rest of the day I have absolutely no idea of what to do... frustrating... and the weather sucks! Guessing I'll have to look forward to that bottle :)

Insane or Brave?

Not sure if I am slightly insane or if I am brave?

One week ago I got dropped of urgently at the neurosurgeons ward and poked in for a few days, but they couldn’t figure out the problem so I was let go and have since been home struggling to be up and about for longer periods of time. But this state of existence rhymes very badly with my intentions for the future!

So on one hand the option is to stay put, lye down and just wait to be better, then on the other hand I have tried that for 6 months and the only result I am getting is my life is on hold which is starting to frustrate me beyond belief. So in order to save any relations in my life and to save my own sanity and well being it is time for action…

Now take it easy some people say and I have to again and again return to the fact that just hanging around doesn’t seem to be lucrative for me *smiling* Plus I don’t seem to have the ability to go half speed, it is like all or nothing. I was listening to Queen the other day and the words “I want it all and I want it now” are currently fitting in my life!

What I want:

Where do I want to be? – Somewhere where my life is mine to live! Currently Jönköping is on the top of the list!

What do I want to do? – Something that will have me wake up to a smile and a challenge!

Who do I want in my life? – Family, but not too close, am getting claustrophobic – Friends to share all aspects of life with!

Medically – can unfortunately not avoid this point – I need to be close to Linköping for the neurosurgeon. I am currently waiting for tests and check-ups.

My current situation:

I am kind of living my life on hold… waiting for it to restart and I am not sure it will do so by itself, so the thought that is now moulding round in my head is how do I jumpstart it without jeopardising my health?

A while back I said that our lives are what we make them! And the importance of believing in yourself! I believe that I have loads to contribute both on a private and professional level. I long to have my own life back, 6 months of break is enough!!!

Therefore my current action plan is:

Tomorrow morning the bus leaves for Jönköping, hoping it will contain me and my bags! I am living in a friends flat for a month then I need to have found a job and a place to stay!

Not much of a plan but one thing I have learned from my life so far is that no matter how much there is to struggle with or get through I can’t put my life on hold because then I fear that I will wake up one day and realize that life is what has happened while I have been waiting for it. Not wanting to miss out on the goodies I therefore invite you who want to be part of my life to join in and enjoy the ride!!!

Carpe Diem

Looks so normal...

...And yet it is so abnormal!

Have been to doc and found out that I am going blind on my left eye again... No one know why or what the next step is, so while they are scratching their heads I get to ponder on what their next step will be...

Ponder with me if you dare

Tired

Am really ridiculously tired right now... Haven't slept in my own bed for 11 nights and it is calling my name so loud I promise one can almost hear it over the fields here in the middle of the forest!

Have had an interesting journey home on the train, read through no 6 of the 7 books about Narnia, so am getting hyped up there. Also had toto running in my ipod and have pondered the truthfulness in some of the lyrics.

Hold the line --- wouldn't it be better if we all just didn't have to worry about timing all the time...

Africa --- there is no place like home!!!

So with these very short and very scattered thoughts I bid good night!

Tomorrow is 11th September 2008 --- wonder what will happen this year?

Luv

Inspiration

Today I have had a new day,

a day with exciting moments,

loads of potential and new energy!

Sounds amazing doesn't it!!!

The other day I received an email telling me that the only thing confining me was my own ideas of who I am and my own limitations of what I can achieve! So I decided to not confine myself anymore. I am sitting here writing a business plan, organizing myself, my future and thinking about all the exciting stuff that could be round the corner if I only let it be :)

Realizing it is true that the only limitations we have are the ones we set ourselves... I set out to open my horizon, to extend my bounderies and decide that I am limitless (for a while) in order to find what I want to do. The same email also told me that we create the reality we live in ourselves, so again I have spent some time sitting down and thinking about what reality I want and am now buzy creating it!

Loving my life!!!

Humiliation

How much can one stand? Is there a limit? Or maybe I'm just a succer for it? The last weeks I have been pathetic...

Met a guy, he seemed nice, very nice, kissed him, he kissed me, then I left, we were to meet again. 3 weeks later I still haven't met him. I feel like I somehow managed to push him away? For the first time in 8 years I actually let someone like me, or at least I let myself think that someone could like me. Only to find out that one option is that he played me and that afternoon was nothing more that lazy fun for him, and the other option is that I subcontiously pushed him away because I was scared.

Now seeing as I haven't met him since that saturday afternoon, I am guessing I was played. Well done. Since I have sent messages and called. He has answered my calls when not from my number = he doesn't want to talk to me = I got played. And my texts most often go unanswered.

This morning I realized the pathetic situation, and let go... Hurts to think I could missjudge someone so completely and yet it was nice to think that maybe someone could like me again, maybe its not a lost cause, but maybe I am... who knows. What I do know is I have humiliated myself enough... no more contact. No more asking to meet, he knows where I am if he wants to see me (said with hope) knowing he won't.

Easy words to say, hard to accept... I was played, but I am not a women to crawl for a man that has no desire for me... humiliation stops here...

Fun at the kitchen table...

Still my child

Sorry, for the silence... I have had a good summer, my heart is accepting that Sweden is the place for me to be. Maybe I needed to be forced back here in order to realize that it is actually a good place to be.

Today is a soft start and this is merely a little notice to say that isn't it amazing that we are all still his children!



Love From Me

Good times

Sometimes in the middle of all else life is just simply good... You know, the feeling when you wake up and there are bubbles of joy that just slip through and take over your whole being! Its like being a living bottle of mineral water... haha... kinda anyway :)

There is no given explanation that can be blamed for the change of character, other than possibly I really feel like there is hope for the future again. One step closer to figuring out where I'm going and what I am going to do. Maybe even realizing that my dreams haven't stopped and they haven't been forced to surrender. It's like they've had a well needed break and now they're back in full charge, hoping for results once again.

Love to all of you from a cloudy place in Sweden

My secret spot

When all else fails I want to walk down to the lake and just be alone... like this.

Worried

Am sitting here at my parents house having just hung up with the doctor and had established that I need to go to Linköping tomorrow to have them look over the shunt.

Something is not right, and they apparently need to check it out. So once again, taking the trip up to find out what the problem is, maybe finding out that its broken or that they just need to readjust the settings and lower the pressure in my head.

This decease sucks and theres not much to do about it! Seams like my only option is to go along with it all and just accept what is happening.

But I would lie if I said I wasn't worried...

Tårar

Jag sitter här vid datorn och tårarna rinner, har väl börjat låta mig fundera på allt som hänt de senaste månaderna och jag blir så ledsen, arg, frustrerad, irriterad och uppgiven. Mitt liv styrs av någon annan känns det som, mitt enda val är att följa med och försöka göra det bästa av de förutsättningar jag får, men det är inget av det jag gör nu som ingår i min tanke om vad mina drömmar är. För ett år sedan levde jag mitt drömliv, nu... ja, som jag sa till anders häromdagen, hemlös, arbetslös och har ingen aning om någonting... kan inte ens bestämma mig vart jag vill bo.

Att titta på bilderna från Kap skär i mitt hjärta, det känns som mitt hem och jag saknar det så otroligt mycket. Jag saknar mina vänner, att få träffa dem när jag vill, att få leva när jag vill och röra mig hur jag vill! När jag låter mig tänka på hur stor saknaden är så orkar jag inte hålla ihop, då går jag undan och låter tårarna trilla, medans tankarna snurrar på och jag försöker förstå vad som händer med mitt liv.

Jag har inte pratat med Gud på ett bra tag, har sagt att jag inte orkar, vill inte - känner mig som en obstinat 3 åring, som vill lägga mig på marken o skrika, sparka och slå nävarna i golvet i förhoppning att det ska ge resultat. Nu vet jag ju att det inte funkar så jag bli kvar stående, men med en menlös tillvaro. Jag existerar, känns inte som om jag fyller någon större funktion. Livet suger och i brist på någon annan att skylla på så får Gud ta smällen. Han finns, jag vet att han älskar mig, men jag orkar inte med vad han lägger för mig att hantera, så jag har tystnad med honom ett tag nu.

Kanske inte det mest optimistiska inlägget, men det ärligaste just nu.

Sunshine

Today is a beautiful day, the sun is out, the sky is blue and I hav not been outdoors at all... shame on me. However I am going out to a friends tonight for a braai.

Finally

It seems like all is getting better. . .

I had an extra moment with the doc when I started getting nervepain in the back of my head and became nothing more than a little lump on the bed, after a week of talking to doctors, I ended up back at the neurosurgical department where they had to establish that nothing was wrong with the shunt before accepting that it was nervepain. Then they started me on heavy drugs that are suppost to reset my central nerve system in 3 months... scary stuff! The first 2 weeks on the drugs where wierd... my body wouldn't listen to what I told it and I couldn't walk straight without assistance. But now it seems as if the body has decided to co-operate and there are no longer any noticable side effects of the drugs... jippi!!!

A second possitive thing is that I am starting to adjust to the new vision field that I have and am finally starting to feel safe in the areas I know and new areas where there are no people. But the best part of it is that I can still manage to run in the forrest!!! Have been out last night and also this morning... a great feeling!!!

On the mental side, I think I'm starting to understand that I have left cape and it is not just good feelings, but I guess its stuff I simply need to work through before feeling ok about it.

Till later.

Luv from me

I am so tired...

...all the time!

Feels wierd, no matter how much I rest it feels like my body just ran a marathon! The wounds are healing nicely though and I feel a little better each day that passes.

Today I have had moment in the Swedish sun while my mother was in the garden. Its amazingly over 20 degrees outside so I just had a top and a skirt on, allowing some d-vitamin to hit home :)

The meadow is full of flowers and looks more like a colourful see than a piece of plane grass. All in all spring has hit the Sweden full on and it is wonderful to see it.

Sickness

So, here I am... long silence that I will try to rectify...

I came to Sweden the 26th March, started seeing doctors straight away and life quickly became about getting the decease sorted.

Have made a second home at Linköpings University Hospital at the neurosurgical department where they externalized my shunt after an inital icp measurement and then removed my gaulle bladder due to infektion. After ensuring no more infektion in my tummy they put the shunt back on saturday and I have just returned home an hour ago... Will try to keep you all a little more updated now :D

Must say that I miss South Africa, but in trying to enjoy what I have it is an amazingly beautifull spring and the swedish countryside is showing itself from a splendid side.

Blessings from Emma

Sweden

Trip went well, will update more detail soon :)

No Water...

Ok, sun is up, I'm awake, go to the bathroom for a morning shower... realize that there is nooooo water!!!! How come? Have called the people in charge, they don't know why, but no one in the area has water right now... frustration is only the beginning! I mean, its not a favorite to brush my teeth in diet coke???

So in other words not the best start to the day then. Wondering what else will happen today?

10 days ago I had surgery for 3rd time in 6 months, am doing ok, recovering according to plan, at least I hope so :) There are a few concerns, but nothing that has me back iin the ward yet :)

No sense to this post, just a little off info, so have a good day and I'll be back better later :)

Who I am according to my birthday :)

♥MAY = SEXY♥

Suave and compromising.
Funny and humorous.
Stubborn.
Sweet talkative.
Calm and cool.
Kind and sympathetic.
Concerned and detailed.
Loyal.
Does work well with others.
Very confident.
An awesome kisser.
Sensitive.
A very good girlfriend/boyfriend.
Amazing Smile.
Positive Attitude.
Thinking generous.
Good memory.
Clever and knowledgeable.
Loves to look for information.
Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh.
Able to motivate oneself and others.
Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing.
Hyper.
Has All The Characteristics of John Carrico
Bubbly personality.
Suductive.
Boy/girl crazy.
Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling.
Super sexy.
Extremley hot but has brains.

Life

I'm good, surprisingly good.

Like everyone I have my ups and downs, moments of question, moments of wonder. I carry questions that I fear don't have an answer and still I can't let them go. Possibly thats the nature of being human, wanting to understand it all, wanting the full insight, or maybe its just me :)

The new year has started well, there is room for hope, surprises, expectations, disappointments, questions, friends, family, wellbeing and health. So it is with hope and expectation that I look forward to what this year has for me. Everyday is a new page in my book, unwritten and waiting for me to fill it with content. As content is what will take me forward in my life.

I suppose that lack of content will not stop time and I will get older as the days pass, but with content I will be able to feel that my life is moving, that it is not only days passing, but that maybe I am making a difference to someone, and maybe that difference is what makes it worth while.

I still have no answers but possibly this year, 2008, will bring some to light, bring some insight into a few corners of my life and thereby hopefully continue to broaden my horizon.

So for those of you who read this, keep an open mind, keep your eyes open and don't be afraid to see a little bit more of the world. Allow yourself to gain a broader horizon and gather more experience, more wisdom, more of everything.

Love