Semestertider är slut

Ojsan, inser att det är länge sedan jag skrev sist, men sommaren har varit fullt av annat än att sitta vid datorn :) Ska nu försöka komma igång med bloggandet igen!

Juni och juli har varit fyllda av underbara händelser och underbart folk :) Jag har jobbat min beskärda del och haft ett par veckor ledigt, en mängd grillkvällar som fyllts med skratt och god mat. Midsommar i skåne och cykelturer till några mysiga badplatser, promenad i bokskogen och mysiga kvällar med vänner. En del saker kanske kommer som små anekdoter här i framtiden eller så fylls platsen med annat... beror nog på humör och tillfälle :)

Men I am back och ser fram emot en händelsefull framtid!

Obs... jag tycker det är roligt att läsa andras bloggar etc så har just du en plats du skriver på som är allmän tillgängligt får du gärna lämna den till mig i en kommentar så ska jag försöka följa dina inlägg :)

The man in the mirror

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change"

- Michael Jacksson

Words that if you take the time to read really makes sense. Not only in the sense that they were written aiming to change the world but with regards to everything, small and big stuff! The next step is taking thought to action, I can often find myself talking about changes that I would like to make but a lot of the times the change stops before action. As if talking about it nurtures the need to feel that I am doing something... Crap!

My latest task is realizing that I need to change some things regarding how I live everyday life... No big things, but stuff like not eating chocolate and candy quite as often, to get a move on with daily exercise and to eat more greens... basically to adopt a more healthy lifestyle! How come I feel a little better after just saying that these are things I need to get done and then I still sit down in front of the TV when night comes and have a bar of candy or chocolate!? Bad... so today my resolution for today is:

I promise to only deal with a day at a time
I promise to have more action than talk in my life
I promise to take care of myself and focus on my health

So that is it, no big actions hoping to create a major change in the world today, just a simple reminder to myself to stop talking about what needs to be done and simply DO IT!

Insane or Brave?

Not sure if I am slightly insane or if I am brave?

One week ago I got dropped of urgently at the neurosurgeons ward and poked in for a few days, but they couldn’t figure out the problem so I was let go and have since been home struggling to be up and about for longer periods of time. But this state of existence rhymes very badly with my intentions for the future!

So on one hand the option is to stay put, lye down and just wait to be better, then on the other hand I have tried that for 6 months and the only result I am getting is my life is on hold which is starting to frustrate me beyond belief. So in order to save any relations in my life and to save my own sanity and well being it is time for action…

Now take it easy some people say and I have to again and again return to the fact that just hanging around doesn’t seem to be lucrative for me *smiling* Plus I don’t seem to have the ability to go half speed, it is like all or nothing. I was listening to Queen the other day and the words “I want it all and I want it now” are currently fitting in my life!

What I want:

Where do I want to be? – Somewhere where my life is mine to live! Currently Jönköping is on the top of the list!

What do I want to do? – Something that will have me wake up to a smile and a challenge!

Who do I want in my life? – Family, but not too close, am getting claustrophobic – Friends to share all aspects of life with!

Medically – can unfortunately not avoid this point – I need to be close to Linköping for the neurosurgeon. I am currently waiting for tests and check-ups.

My current situation:

I am kind of living my life on hold… waiting for it to restart and I am not sure it will do so by itself, so the thought that is now moulding round in my head is how do I jumpstart it without jeopardising my health?

A while back I said that our lives are what we make them! And the importance of believing in yourself! I believe that I have loads to contribute both on a private and professional level. I long to have my own life back, 6 months of break is enough!!!

Therefore my current action plan is:

Tomorrow morning the bus leaves for Jönköping, hoping it will contain me and my bags! I am living in a friends flat for a month then I need to have found a job and a place to stay!

Not much of a plan but one thing I have learned from my life so far is that no matter how much there is to struggle with or get through I can’t put my life on hold because then I fear that I will wake up one day and realize that life is what has happened while I have been waiting for it. Not wanting to miss out on the goodies I therefore invite you who want to be part of my life to join in and enjoy the ride!!!

Carpe Diem

Life?

I love to fool around and play the clown, combined with being serious and goal orientated. I’ve never been able to place myself into one of life’s predetermined squares of character or personality. I’ve always experienced a mixture of everything, growing up in another country, moving a lot, changing schools, different cultures, different skin colors, all this in a mixture, forming me to be the person I am today.

Sometimes it feels like I will never fit in anywhere and sometimes it feels like I can fit in anywhere.
Sometimes it feels like I am part of nothing and other times like I’m part of everything.

After 7 months in a new place I find that only one side of my person has been showing. People here have only seen my serious side, the side that always copes, that always knows what to do and that always has it together. How do you tell people that the image they carry is false… or at lease half false? How do you inform them that I am so much more, that what they’ve seen is only a shell of properness?

More importantly, how do I find a place where my inner child can come out? Where I can relax completely and not worry about life? A place where I can cry without feeling shame, or role round the floor laughing without embarrassment, or just sit quite without explanation? How?