Life?

I love to fool around and play the clown, combined with being serious and goal orientated. I’ve never been able to place myself into one of life’s predetermined squares of character or personality. I’ve always experienced a mixture of everything, growing up in another country, moving a lot, changing schools, different cultures, different skin colors, all this in a mixture, forming me to be the person I am today.

Sometimes it feels like I will never fit in anywhere and sometimes it feels like I can fit in anywhere.
Sometimes it feels like I am part of nothing and other times like I’m part of everything.

After 7 months in a new place I find that only one side of my person has been showing. People here have only seen my serious side, the side that always copes, that always knows what to do and that always has it together. How do you tell people that the image they carry is false… or at lease half false? How do you inform them that I am so much more, that what they’ve seen is only a shell of properness?

More importantly, how do I find a place where my inner child can come out? Where I can relax completely and not worry about life? A place where I can cry without feeling shame, or role round the floor laughing without embarrassment, or just sit quite without explanation? How?