Messed up, but willing to change

Hey all you amazing people :)

Here is one messed up chick... at least I sometimes wonder over my own status quo...

I am currently packing my stuff, working a little, watching greys anatomy season 4 on dvd and cleaning a flat... tomorrow I move... not very far in distance, but possibly another small step in getting my life in order and everything in shape.

I fall victim to the fact that I am scared of letting people and places close, now I've decided that I have to take the chance at least! Maybe this is all fu**ed up that I'm moving here, maybe it makes no sense, maybe there are better options, maybe is a very comprehensive word opening up so many other alternatives. However, when it boils down to it, I like this town, I like the people, I have fun, I have small everyday adventures! But most of all its a place I chose, for the first time ever this is a place I have chosen to move to... Don't get me wrong, I've obviously chosen to move to other places as well, seeing as I've been there... but this time, there is no job, no one special, no organization, nothing other than me wanting to be here... Through the last 10 years every time I've moved its been because an opportunity has presented itself, always leaving people I love behind... Now theres no opportunity, just a longing to be present somewhere.

So, maybe its a mess, maybe its a bad option, but it's my mess and my option... Hoping and praying that it will sort it self out and turn to be a good one!