Humiliation

How much can one stand? Is there a limit? Or maybe I'm just a succer for it? The last weeks I have been pathetic...

Met a guy, he seemed nice, very nice, kissed him, he kissed me, then I left, we were to meet again. 3 weeks later I still haven't met him. I feel like I somehow managed to push him away? For the first time in 8 years I actually let someone like me, or at least I let myself think that someone could like me. Only to find out that one option is that he played me and that afternoon was nothing more that lazy fun for him, and the other option is that I subcontiously pushed him away because I was scared.

Now seeing as I haven't met him since that saturday afternoon, I am guessing I was played. Well done. Since I have sent messages and called. He has answered my calls when not from my number = he doesn't want to talk to me = I got played. And my texts most often go unanswered.

This morning I realized the pathetic situation, and let go... Hurts to think I could missjudge someone so completely and yet it was nice to think that maybe someone could like me again, maybe its not a lost cause, but maybe I am... who knows. What I do know is I have humiliated myself enough... no more contact. No more asking to meet, he knows where I am if he wants to see me (said with hope) knowing he won't.

Easy words to say, hard to accept... I was played, but I am not a women to crawl for a man that has no desire for me... humiliation stops here...